If you limit your emotional language to “feel good” and “feel bad”, you may be missing out on the wonderful breadth of human experience. It may limit your capacity for healthy intimacy as well. A British researcher finds that our emotional experience is limited by the vocabulary we have available to identify and name our emotional experience.

A person who struggles with sexual addiction lives a double life. They don’t know themselves as whole people with healthy Mind/Body integration. They struggle to enter into healthy relationships with others – relationships that include healthy sexual expression characterized by mutuality and respect. They are one person presenting two faces to the world. They identify one personae as good and acceptable, the other is bad and needing to be hidden away. They present the good to family and friends while the bad lives a secret life. Shame grounds their basic belief about themselves. They truly believe they simply are not worthy. Their double life is an expression of self-loathing.

How is it that so many people are falling every day into the trap of addiction? The introduction of the internet into daily life certainly plays a role. Here’s how.

John Bowlby pioneered understand of the way human being “attach” in his study of children and their caregivers. His fundamental insight is that the shape of our emotional response to the people closest to us has been informed by very early childhood experiences. Therapists use the basic insights of Attachment Theory and and their understanding of Attachment Styles in treating sexual addiction.

People who are new to sexual addiction — clients and therapists alike — may have trouble getting good information on what this is all about. For those just starting the journey and looking for the basics, here is a sexual addiction primer.

“Cross the river in a crowd and the crocodile won’t eat you.” Some proverbs are rather more practical than others. This African proverb is more practical than most. No one wants to be eaten by the crocodile. When we discuss the road to recovery from sexual addiction it is always best to cross the river in a group.

A sexual addiction turns any relationship toxic. A toxic relationship strips a person of their health. We all live in a network that connects us with other people. When those relationships are healthy, we are healthy.

The journey of recovery from sexual addiction includes many challenges. The first perhaps, involves the need to address Denial. Denial is a natural (and mostly healthy) coping mechanism we use to avoid a painful reality. It serves us well when we are confronted with a situation for which we are not prepared. It gives us the psychological space we need to gather the resources and support required to tackle change.

Media culture influences everyone. It informs who we are and who we become. Many are trapped by our hypersexualized culture. It begins when we are young, long before we have the knowledge to make careful choices in our live. Media culture is a major influence. But it is not the only influence. Each of us become who we are by way of the interaction of three influences that are constantly in play. Think of them as three concentric circles of influence.

This may just be the best short video on addiction ever made. Raj Maheta, a former heroin addict, tells the truth about addiction. Although he does not address sexual addiction specifically, what he has to say applies. Enjoy and Be Free!