How rich is your emotional vocabulary?

The BBC recently posted an article exploring the work of Tim Lomas, a British researcher, whose premise is that our emotional experience is limited by the vocabulary we have available to identify and name our emotional experience. 

The article cites examples of words from other languages that not only say what we cannot say in English, but also, because we do not use the word, we cannot feel the experience. 

• Desbundar (Portuguese) – to shed one’s inhibitions in having fun
• Tarab (Arabic) – a musically induced state of ecstasy or enchantment
• Shinrin-yoku (Japanese) – the relaxation gained from bathing in the forest, figuratively or literally
• Gigil (Tagalog) – the irresistible urge to pinch or squeeze someone because they are loved or cherished
• Yuan bei (Chinese) – a sense of complete and perfect accomplishment
• Iktsuarpok (Inuit) – the anticipation one feels when waiting for someone, whereby one keeps going outside to check if they have arrived

If you limit your emotional language to “feel good” and “feel bad”, you may be missing out on the wonderful breadth of human experience. It may limit your capacity for healthy intimacy as well.

The journey to healthy intimacy includes a couple’s ability to listen deeply to one’s partner’s emotional experience. “I hear you”, is a necessary step toward the the ability to say, “I feel you”. Couples who enrich their capacity for empathy provide the genuine support for each other every person craves.

But what happens in a relationship when one partner (or both) have a very limited emotional vocabulary? The journey toward healthy intimacy may be undermined before it even begins.

Sexual addiction strips a person of his emotional vocabulary. Some (if not many) enter adulthood already compromised in their ability to experience the broad spectrum of emotional that others feel. This may be due early childhood trauma that has prevented the development of emotional vocabulary in the first place. 

When one grows up in an environment where it is not safe to speak to express one’s feelings openly, one may never learn to express one’s feelings at all. 

To enrich your own emotional experience, (and to share that experience with others), you do not have to learn a foreign language. Start by enriching your personal emotional vocabulary using good old English. Practice using new and perhaps unfamiliar words to convey what you feel. 

You may discover a range of emotion you never noticed before. This list from the University of Wisconsin will get you started!

Joyful	Tenderness	Helpless	Defeated	Rageful
Cheerful	Sympathy	Powerless	Bored	Outraged
Content	Adoration	Dreading	Rejected	Hostile
Proud	Fondness	Distrusting	Disillusioned	Bitter
Satisfied	Receptive	Suspicious	Inferior	Hateful
Excited	Interested	Cautious	Confused	Scornful
Amused	Delighted	Disturbed	Grief-stricken	Spiteful
Elated	Shocked	Overwhelmed	Helpless	Vengeful
Enthusiastic	Exhilarated	Uncomfortable	Isolated	Disliked
Optimistic	Dismayed	Guilty	Numb	Resentful
Elated	Amazed	Hurt	Regretful	Trusting
Delighted	Confused	Lonely	Ambivalent	Alienated
Calm	Stunned	Melancholy	Exhausted	Bitter
Relaxed	Interested	Depressed	Insecure	Insulted
Relieved	Intrigued	Hopeless	Disgusted	Indifferent
Hopeful	Absorbed	Sad	Pity
Pleased	Curious	Guilty	Revulsion
Confident	Anticipating	Hurt	Contempt
Brave	Eager	Lonely	Weary
Comfortable	Hesitant	Regretful	Bored
Safe	Fearful	Depressed	Preoccupied
Happy	Anxious	Hopeless	Angry
Love	Worried	Sorrow	Jealous
Lust	Scared	Uncertain	Envious
Aroused	Insecure	Anguished	Annoyed
Tender	Rejected	Disappointed	Humiliated
Compassionate	Horrified	Self conscious	Irritated
Caring	Alarmed	Shamed	Aggravated
Infatuated	Shocked	Embarrassed	Restless
Concern	Panicked	Humiliated	Grumpy
Trust	Afraid	Disgraced	Awkward
Liking	Nervous	Uncomfortable	Exasperated
Attraction	Disoriented	Neglected	Frustrated

Image by Ivan Frolov